Heading to my Day 3 monitoring appointment last week, I was full of angst and almost weepy. I was worried about starting the medicated cycle, afraid of the side effects, and generally dreading starting the whole process of trying to have a baby again. But I felt a lot better after coming out of the appointment. I went in there and noticed several professional women and a few husbands. Nobody was looking at each other or talking, and the women with husbands were looking extra tense. We all have a common bond, but we were sitting there in our private worlds, not sharing. The vibes passing between people are basically, "you're infertile. I'm infertile. And I don't want to talk about it." It's like a bus station full of infertile people.
After an awkward 10 minutes or so, pretending not to look at the other patients, I went back and had blood drawn. Then I was dispatched to a smaller waiting area in the back for an ultrasound, which was just to ensure my ovaries were in good shape. Another woman was sitting back there and we got to talking. She's done at least one IUI and this is her fourth IVF cycle. She went down the litany of her various tests and injections and was completely blase' about it. I felt like a big wimp.
I really hope this is her cycle.
Meanwhile, my fertility specialist suggested acupuncture, saying it seems to improve results, so I've been going and getting needles stuck into my legs and hands. I'll try to take a picture one of these times and post it on the blog. It's pretty wild. It doesn't hurt at all, though, and is actually really relaxing.
So we'll see how this goes. I'm going to try hard not to be scared, or sad, or depressed. I'm going to try to just move forward.
It's really the only thing we can do.