Monday, July 13, 2009

A Year's Journey

Exactly one year ago, in a North Carolina beach cottage, we found out Lexie was coming. It was our third positive home pregnancy test, so we greeted the news with neither excitement (as we did the first time) nor with cautious optimism (as we did the second time). By this time, we knew about my unicornuate uterus and understood the possible complications. So we greeted the news of our third pregnancy with equal parts hope and fear.

The next morning we were scheduled to drive back to Virginia. Before we left, I sat on the steps to the beach for a long time trying to set my head straight. Looking at the ocean always helps give me perspective, reminding me of my tiny place in this big world. At the time, I'd wished I could know what lay ahead.

It's probably better that I didn't know what we'd contend with through the pregnancy. At least in the early days, I had only my usual worry of miscarriage, and a few weeks of my second trimester were practically a cakewalk. Then it all came crashing down with 9 weeks of preterm labor in the hospital and a baby born 10 weeks too early.

But if I could send a message back to myself a year ago, maybe I'd just tell her this: It's going to be a bad, bumpy ride, and you're going to be more terrified than you've ever been. It will be the hardest thing you've done in your life.

But in the end, it will be worth it.

9 comments:

Mary said...

I'm in tears. I'm one week away from my second trimester with my uu and I'm bracing myself for the worst. To see your little girls adorable face makes me know I can do this.

Hilary said...

Life is just amazing!! thankyou God for lexie! The picture is just precious :)

dcpeg said...

I'm tearing-up, too, but from happiness. I always wanted to experience pregnancy and birth, but was never fortunate enough to get there. Lexie is special to so many more than her family members! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. It's lovely to share your joy!!

Saffy said...

Oh look at that adorable photo. She is gorgeous.

areyoukiddingme said...

Isn't she beautiful? I wish her creation could have been easier for you...

Bluebird said...

Ah - you're such an inspration. I needed to read this today. I'm so sorry for the journey you had. But what an adorable photo of the end result :)

sara said...

Couldn't of said it better myself! Lexie is just the cutest girl ever - she makes my heart smile and especially when I think of how far both you and her have come. Her eyes already seem like they have kindness in them if that makes any sense at all ((hugs))

Das Bus said...

you amaze me, Dosch. :D

Brenna said...

Oh Megan, I'd forgotten how long and hard this journey was for you! What a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, though--she really is a treasure.