Pregnancy did not go the way I expected, at all. I knew the risks of my condition, but the statement of risks was always accompanied by something to the effect of "but most women with unicornuate uteruses don't know they have them until they have a full-term C-section, and there are probably tons of women who never find out, blah blah blah. So you could go full term!" I was cautiously optimistic, and never expected that I might have such a close brush with worst-case scenarios.
At this point, I don't see myself ever needing the maternity clothes again. My body really isn't made to carry babies, and I can't imagine going through bedrest with a child already at home. If we have an unlikely "accident," we'll play those cards as they're dealt. But that's the decision for now.
In baby news, Lexie recently passed the three-month mark, although she's more similar to a one-month old in her development and abilities. She's gaining weight and seems to be learning every day. She's not doing so well in the sleep department because she's been having stomach issues that wake her up pretty regularly. We started her on a new formula today and are reeeeeally hoping it clears up the problem. I'm dreaming of getting more than three interrupted hours of sleep a night. If only. I never knew I'd be able to go this long on such an extended sleep deficit. I've heard that sleep deprivation is cumulative. I'm easily 250+ hours in the hole in the six weeks since Lexie came home.
It's hard to be profound on so little sleep. So here's a gratuitous shot of Lexie in her Easter hat.
11 comments:
What a total doll she is!
What a beautiful baby!! Sometimes in all of the excitement of pregnancy, we forget to remember life’s little miracles. Thanks for your post, each and every birth is a miracle, but yours is one to truly celebrate… Congratulations!! Enjoy your miracle baby Lexie!!
I'm thinkin' maybe the charm of a new baby is wearing thin . . .?!
She IS a charmer, though.
Sorry about the maternity clothes. Can you share them with a friend.
Should we consider this a blanket apology for your earlier admonition: "People keep telling us 'get some sleep now!' As if we're sleeping soundly all night long."
Aww - precious baby!!
And don't sell yourself short - you're plenty profound :) I think its so interesting the way inanimate objects - clothes, for example - can elicit such emotions. I imagine the packing-up was very bitter sweet, indeed.
Here's hoping for at least 10 extra minutes of shut eye - I'm sure you feel like screaming, "Is that too much to ask?!"
Eh, most of us aren't profound on a regular basis anyway. I am, however, profoundly grateful for Lexie's arrival in your life! And I love reading your updates--whether or not you feel they're profound, they offer me a tantalizing (okay...realistic) look at the other side. :)
She's so adorable!
That is really tough about the pregnancy and maternity close. My pregnancies aren't easy, but not nearly as bad as yours of course. I just keep trying to remind myself that it was never about getting pregnant or having a baby (you know our girl was a tough baby). It was about having a child we will raise.
That's not to belittle what you are feeling at all. Just trying to relate and be Mrs. Brightside. ;-)
I wasn't sleeping soundly all night long before she came home either -- that earlier post was more in reaction to people who seemed not to understand what we were going through. I almost didn't post anything about the sleep issues because I thought there might be some smugness directed at me. But hey, if it makes people feel better about themselves, though, then more power to you.
And Peg, she's still charming. :) I just wish I could do something to fix her little tummy. I'm definitely going to donate the maternity clothes -- I was just bummed about the loss of the whole innocent and exciting pregnancy experience. They unworn clothes were kind of a symbol for that, you know?
Ha! Just jerking your chain...
AGP.
There's a pretty good market for maternity clothes on eBay. Get a return on your non-investment. I get where you're coming from on the clothes as a symbol of what didn't go right. I just don't buy into the idea of how-it-was-supposed-to-be being more important than how-it-was. Of course, for me, it's usually presented in terms of "Oh, you had to have a c-section? You couldn't have a natural childbirth?" so it's a lot easier to blow off.
Save that picture to show the boyfriends! She's adorable.
They suck, don't they? Those little reminders of how it COULD have been. How it SHOULD have been.
There are other kinds of reminders, too. Ones that will pop into your head from time to time from out of nowhere. Ones that will bring tears to your eyes. Ones that will take all your breath away and will make your heart ache. "It COULD have been so much WORSE! It could have ended right then and there!"
The first time one of those hit me (the twins were maybe about 5 months old then) I didn't know what to do with myself. I just cried and cried and cried.
It put things into perspective, though. I still hurt when I think of how the end of my pregnancy went. How frightening the first days and weeks and even months of motherhood. But knowing how lucky I am for having been able to take our twins home safe and healthy, for them being alive and growing and happy takes the sharp edges off...
And the sleep thing? We got the same assvice from friends and family when they were still in the NICU: "Sleep, while you still can!" (or even "At least YOU get to sleep through the night... MY life is sooo much tougher, I have to get up every night to feed MY baby. BooHooHoo..."). Even the nurses told me I should take advantage of the situation and SLEEP. All I could think when someone said something like that was: "Who are they kidding? Do they really think I can just go to bed and SLEEP when my babies are in the NICU instead of where they still should be: safe in my womb?"
Once we got them home and realised how little hours/minutes were left in the day/night after taking care of the twins for less important things like, well, sleep or even eat, we wished we'd listened to their advice earlier. I think I'm behind about 3000+ hours right now and counting... They are now 16 months and have just started sleeping through the night. Some nights, at least. Sadly, never both in the same night. ZZZzzzzzzzzz.....
Somehow, you get used to it though. There will come a time when you will go to the nursery, comfort your little girl, feed her, change her, put her back to bed and sing her a little song, and then when you wake up in the morning you WON'T EVEN REMEMBER having done it!
Or you will wake up in the morning and your heart will almost stop because you are not holding your little girl and you can't remember having put her back into her crib after her last feed. You will look under the covers and even under the bed, scared of what you might find. You will then run into the nursery as fast as you can, only to find her smiling up at you from the safety of her crib... ;-)
Okay. Enough. Stop talking, Mijke. Just one last thought:
WOW! She's precious!! She looks so cute from under those big white fluffy ears...
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