Thursday, November 20, 2008

Ready, Set, Triage

It seems I spoke too soon.

On Sunday night, I went to the bathroom and noticed a small amount of unusual fluid on the TP. Placed a call to my OB answering service, and they told me to report to the hospital.

I've been there ever since, and it's going to be a while.

In triage the doctors found that I was having actual contractions (vs. Braxton Hicks) and I was admitted overnight until an appointment Monday morning with the transvaginal ultrasound, aka the hootchiecam. They found that my cervix was 1.6 cm, well below the danger threshold of 2.0 cm. Less than a week earlier my cervix had been holding steady at 3.4 cm.

So here I am. The first few days were really hard. At first I thought I might be able to go home at some point, and I felt devastated with each sign to the contrary. I could not remotely wrap my head around my fate -- I would lie here in my hospital bed thinking, "I cannot believe this is happening." Steve has been really supportive but it took a while for him to realize that I wasn't coming home, and I felt terrible to be leaving him on his own.

I kept trying to look for a silver lining, and I couldn't come up with one.

I'm feeling a little better about the situation now... I know this is the best place for me. This hospital is a great one with lots of experience in high-risk pregnancies and preemies. Whenever the contractions get too hard and fast, I get a shot of terbutaline and that calms them down for a while. The doctors will move up to a new drug regimen as each one stops working -- apparently most people desensitize to the drugs over time.

A lot of my friends have been really great, asking to come visit and bring food (thank god) but I'm not ready to see anyone yet except family. I'm hoping to get a private room in a week or so and that should make things a bit better. I'm still sad sometimes and scared about how this will all turn out. I wish I knew what was going to happen. I also selfishly wonder how long it will be before I get to go outside again.

If you know of stories like mine that turned out to have a happy ending, I'd love to hear about them -- it helps me to hear about the successes.

In the meantime I'll be here in my medical prison, trying not to worry myself sick. The first goal is viability -- that's 24 weeks, officially next Saturday. After that, every day is a victory and increases the chances of us having an ultimately healthy little girl.

Eventually, I did come up with a silver lining, feeble as it is. You know the show "Locked Up Abroad"? It tells the story of people who get arrested in third-world countries for smuggling drugs or money or whatnot. Those people typically end up living in squalor in a Mexican prison for like 4 years.

That would be much worse than this.

7 comments:

Annie said...

Hang in there Megan...HA HA!

Just say the word and I will be there to make you laugh and bring you treats. Maybe I can smuggle in a puppy? Because puppy dogs and ice cream are supposed to make everything better...

I do agree that living in a Mexican prison would be worse.

Christy said...

You know what would be even worse? Mexican prison and having Motezuma's Revenge.

Dude, I'm here for you if you need anything. Just say the word.

dcpeg said...

Bummer!

Liked your silver lining story, but the "platinum lining" is that you are sustaining TWO lives with your sacrifices.

When you become overwhelmed with boredom or worry remember how far you've come. Afterall, you are WOMAN!! Let's hear you roar!!!

Caseystay said...

I'm sending you lots of love and we're keeping everything crossed for you. Reading about stupid "stars" in the gossip mags always makes me feel better...hope Steve is bringing you lots of bad stuff to read.

xoxoxoxxo

Leena said...

Yikes. Thinking of you, and sending prayers.

I sent you a msg on facebook.

rebecca said...

Am I allowed to leave cuss words on your blog?

Stay put. This might possibly be the only period of motherhood where you get to be this immobile.

And that is what you are. You are a mother now.

caramama said...

Thinking of you and praying for you and baby. Saturday is not that much further. I also know of other people (under different circumstances) who had pre-term labor and complete bedrest (at the hospital or home) and they had healthy babies. In fact, one had triplets, all of which were healthy.

May I suggest a really addictive series of books to help you get through your bed rest? I just read the first book in the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer and am now on book two. I cannot put them down. Might be an entertaining way to pass the time.