Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Here Goes Nothing

Heading to my Day 3 monitoring appointment last week, I was full of angst and almost weepy. I was worried about starting the medicated cycle, afraid of the side effects, and generally dreading starting the whole process of trying to have a baby again. But I felt a lot better after coming out of the appointment. I went in there and noticed several professional women and a few husbands. Nobody was looking at each other or talking, and the women with husbands were looking extra tense. We all have a common bond, but we were sitting there in our private worlds, not sharing. The vibes passing between people are basically, "you're infertile. I'm infertile. And I don't want to talk about it." It's like a bus station full of infertile people.

After an awkward 10 minutes or so, pretending not to look at the other patients, I went back and had blood drawn. Then I was dispatched to a smaller waiting area in the back for an ultrasound, which was just to ensure my ovaries were in good shape. Another woman was sitting back there and we got to talking. She's done at least one IUI and this is her fourth IVF cycle. She went down the litany of her various tests and injections and was completely blase' about it. I felt like a big wimp.

I really hope this is her cycle.

Meanwhile, my fertility specialist suggested acupuncture, saying it seems to improve results, so I've been going and getting needles stuck into my legs and hands. I'll try to take a picture one of these times and post it on the blog. It's pretty wild. It doesn't hurt at all, though, and is actually really relaxing.

So we'll see how this goes. I'm going to try hard not to be scared, or sad, or depressed. I'm going to try to just move forward.

It's really the only thing we can do.


caramama said...

I feel ya, girl. I was scared and sad and depressed. And excited and hopeful and happy. And then I was blase and frustrated and seasoned. Finally, I was elated and giddy and pregnant.

My point? All of those feelings are normal. It is not an easy thing to go through, but at least you are doing something new, taking the next step.

Having had a wonderful outcome from all that we went through, I am so glad thankful for fertily treatments and the wonderful doctors and nurses in this field. I hope that it works out as well for you guys. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please email or call me if you want to talk about it.

Incidently, what you said about the waiting room reminded me of a funny story I have. I think I'll post it on my blog tomorrow. Here's a hint: what would happen if you ran into a coworker in that waiting room? :-)

Londo said...

It is one of the weirdest places in the world. I like the bus station comparison. Basically, no one wants anything to do with anyone else there because no one wants to be there themselves. Seems pretty appropriate.

The one good thing about it is, you can catch up on all those books you have been wanting to read. :)

Good luck!